At some point in my life, I forgot how to turn my brain off. That may not seem like much of an issue at first. I tend to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time and have become a master multi-tasker. The problem is that when I get what I need to do done, I just move on to something else or come up with more things to do. Never just...stop.
As a child I would lay in the grass in the backyard and stare up at the sky. I would swear I could feel the earth turning and the hear the sound of air molecules moving. I felt the sun. I remember how when I closed my eyes my field of vision was a wash of red from the sun penetrating my eyelids and its blood vessels. Watching the sun move lower in the sky, I studied the way the changing light altered the way the surrounding landscape looked and felt. I say 'studied' but it was more through osmosis. Not some conscious, meticulous thought process, just feelings and impressions soaking into my soul.
The last couple of weekends have been quite nice and I've opened up the windows in the house. My drawing table is next to the door leading out into our screened porch. I opened it all the way. At some point I became aware of the breeze flowing through the room, the sound of birds singing, windchimes tinkling and I stopped painting for a moment. I felt a part of the Earth again. A connection I've been missing for some time now. I felt a calmness. It felt good.
When my husband and I went to North Carolina last November we spent a lot of time outdoors, but my brain was in full gear. Analyzing the surrounding landscape. Camera in hand. Looking for compositions for potential paintings. I never just stopped to enjoy myself without self-applied pressure to accomplish something.
Lately, I've been thinking about my responsibilities. Some necessary and unavoidable. I have to work a day job. I have to have the medical insurance. Fortunately, as a Graphic Designer I have a job that feeds my creative needs. I have to paint too. I just do. It's who I am. I am a driven person, and everything I've taken on I can accomplish, but at what price? I have chronic illnesses. They do impact me and I need to admit that to myself. Taking down time for my benefit alone is something that I NEED to do. Not fill up every minute of every day. Self-induced stress can only be doing harm.
On the commercial side, you have to be creative on demand to succeed. Not wait for 'inspiration' and I firmly apply this philosophy to Fine Art. At the same time, though, I believe that to keep the ideas flowing, I may need to take a step back in order to move forward. Clearing the conscious mind will leave room for the subconscious to breathe new life and creativity into the process.
There's an achievable balance here...somewhere. I need to get off this tightrope I'm walking onto solid ground and find it. One step back and 2 steps forward. I'll get there and hopefully calmer, happier and healthier than I am now.
About the painting:
This is the view from my back deck. One of our notorious Texas thunderstorms had just passed over. The low sun turned the clouds lavender and orange. Bee Creek is a natural creek (though artifically widened at points) that leads into Lake Granbury.
"Storm Clouds Over Bee Creek"
-Granbury, Texas
Acrylic on Board
16" x 12.25"
note: dimensions are unframed size comes framed
$595
